Saturday 21 May 2011

TIRED LIKE A FOX

Tis my final day in the Norge, after I return to what some call normality and others call hell. It's been a relaxing week and a bit but I now have to return to the bank and ensure that the wheels are turning and ensuring everyones postcodes look right and not fraudulant.

Fuck it, it's apparently the rapture today anyway so hopefully I'll be dead by then.



Yep, going into heaven requires cartoon women with large breasts and a look of curious satisfaction to pursuade.






HELLO!

Have to keep this quick as A, we're going to get some bits from a supermarket in a minute and B, it's the end of the world today so I'm limited for time. Not being religious I find myself at a loss of how to spend the last few hours of my miserable life until I I'm left on a ravaged earth with nothing other than those above sat watching my death on God's hand watching my gruesome death. Of course this is completely justified because everyone knows a good virtuous person is one who enjoys watching the deaths of others. And we all deserved it because we didn't agree. However in reality what's going to happen is a lot of Doom Prophets will be out of pocket tomorrow having sold their belongings and given up their jobs and we'll all just get on with our lives. Until a few years time when some other mad man will gain enough followers and say the world is ending resulting in the process repeating, ad finitum.

Until presumably the world ends.


I was going to put something more relevant here but upon finding a picture of George Lucas apparently bumming Yoda I got sidetracked

There are three things I feel worth learning from the events of "the rapture" anyway so that we can hopefully learn something and move on.

1: The world ending is not a quick process, it will not happen fast no matter how much we will it, in fact it will be a slow gruelling process inwhich people will continue to kick around for years afterwards because we can't let it go. In fact the world will probably end because of a overreliance of unrenewable resources but hell.

2: People can be made to believe anything, so long as it involves subordinating others and a feeling dominating others. I'm not against religion, in many way it teaches a good moral code and life lessons. But when a leftover message from centuries ago of how you have to follow a certain religion of face death in the most horrible of ways, then I start to stop listening. Metaphysics and modern day world do not mix all too well.

3: The media love a good story. Or in this case a terribly stupid story. Which to them is a good story. I was blissfully ignorant about the end of the world till yesterday and now today everyone and their nan knows about the rapture. It's a few individuals in the world who like to waste their belongings on the grounds that a 89 year old told them they wouldn't need them by 6pm. Sod it all. This is now worldwide and we've only got the mass coverage to blame. Bollocks to it anyway.



So there we go, the end of the world lessons. But one thing begs asking.

What about people currently in space? Do they escape the rapture or not?



Sod it all anyway!


Andddddd.....











Fin!

Tom XXxxxXX

Saturday 14 May 2011

MOVED

I have moved and will move again.


This is to resemble moving. Jpegerific. Whatever happened to terrible clipart, the ones that you could buy from poundstretcher promising 1000's of pictures of badly drawn day to day objects. Those CDs made my childhood, you could buy them cheap along with discount copies of Dogz 3. Whatever happened to Dogz 3? Well they just made Dogz 4. Simple enough.





GØD DAG!!

Or should I say

GOOD DAY!!

Sat in Haugesund not particularly doing an awful lot, Rikkie is working the days and tilling so it gives me enough time to fill in the blanks of what has happened over the last few months et al. "It's been quite eventful" as a historian might say about the industrial revolution, "a lot has happened". One such thing would be the royal wedding, but unfortunately that would have no relevence in my life whatsoever but as a point of reference for what is happening in the world; there you go. Firstly I have moved. As if Manchester wasn't enough I have upped and relocated to the closer to hometown joy that is Leeds. There are benefits to this, I know Leeds well, it has various pub I like to frequent. I know people in Leeds, I can see Arnold Bray and Ronnie the Rhino more than once a year, however Leeds lacks one thing that really would help in life.



Werk. As per usual. The problem here being that Rikkie cannot find work and I'm still in bank job, which is fine if I'm content with spending my life in the darkest corner of a back office looking at something which closely resembles a mixture of the matrix code and a haunted spreadsheet. So away I go looking. In Olso.

So Rikkie has now got work. In Oslo. Oslo is better than most of England. So I did the maths. Olso>Leeds. There we go, maths away. So from this I've decided to try and get out of England. 45% because of David Cameron too. And his massive forehead. But plans in motion and all let's not dwell over careers and all the joys, let me describe some commuters like I used to.


The all new professionals- These are two lads, about my age who catch the train at the same time every day. They are the perfect bridge between what can be described as "the younger generation" and "old cuntish businessmen". But these aren't too bad. Same cannot be said for...

Dance music Businessman- Dance music businessman must have been into rave during the eighties. He looks borderline last of the summer wine material and listens to the most lo-fi dance music through earphones which must make more noise outside than inside the ear. It strikes me as strange that such an smartly dressed man can listen to such modern shit.

The soggy boy- College goer who seldom appear on the train, I'm undecided whether his long hair has wet or unwashed. Looks like an explosion in a gaudy factory. Wears clothes with silver on. Annoys me, but only through the jealously that I can no longer dress like a train wreak anymore.

And lastly...

The rival boots man- On commuter trains there is usually little room to sit, especially since Guiseley is the last stop before the city. This makes standing places highly sought after, each carriage has 4 leaning bars near to the train doors. We both run for these, in the land of the blind, the leaning bar man is king. Each morning on the platform we position ourselves to near where to door stops so that we can sieze these places as soon as possible. As he wears large boots.




Devil looks pretty male to me.

Kind regards,


Tom.

PS; will proof read later when I give two shits.